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Three Floyds Apocalypse Cow

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When my beer mule texted me from Three Floydia (that's where the brewery is, right?) and asked me if I wanted a bottle of Apocalypse Cow, I had several thoughts. First, I responded asking her to purchase as much as she could fit in her car, and that I'd reimburse her with Vermont beer (as you can tell from recent posting, she fully complied and is, in fact, the bestest evar). Second, I kinda assumed this would be a milk stout (what with that "Cow" in the name), something akin to Moloko. Then I looked it up and hmm, an 11% ABV IPA? Well ok. It turns out that I wasn't that far off the mark, as this is an IPA brewed with a lactose addition. An unusual choice, considering that most 11% ABV beers don't particularly need any additional unfermentable sugars in the mix, but on the other hand, the added sweetness and velvety mouthfeel allow for moar hops. This is actually the first time I'd even heard of lactose in anything other than a stout, so I guess we're in for an interesting experiment.

It works better than you might think. Now, why there's a very angry, cyclopic cow on the label is a bit of a mystery, but then, Three Floyds isn't exactly known for sensible label artwork. At least in this case, the artwork is very well done. Alrighty then, I think that's enough babbling. You can either surf, or you can fight! Or, um, drink. Colonel Kilgore seems like a guy who'd enjoy beer.

Three Floyds Apocalypse Cow

Three Floyds Apocalypse Cow - Pours a deep, dark orange color with a finger of off white head that leaves lacing as I drink. Smells enormously dank, piney and resinous, with some citrus and almost spicy hop notes playing along as well. The taste is very sweet, with that dank pine and resin kicking in quickly, leaving the juicy citrus notes and spicey hops towards the finish, which has just enough bitterness to balance out the sweetness. Mouthfeel is almost full bodied, but smooth and creamy (that lactose in action), with enough carbonation to cut through it all, though it does feel a bit sticky in the finish. While it certainly feels like a strong beer, the alcohol is reasonably well hidden... The full 22 ounces is a bit much, so perhaps it's a good one to share. Overall, this is a very interesting beer, and I haven't really had anything quite like it. B+

Beer Nerd Details: 11% ABV bottled (22 oz. bomber). Drank out of a snifter on 9/6/14.

My Three Floyds supply is slowly but surely dwindling. But don't worry your pretty ears (ears? What's wrong with me?), there's plenty more to come.

Floyd D'Rue

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Conundrums all around. If you're a brewer, and you embark on a massive 14.7% barrel aged imperial porter aged in rum barrels only to find out that the resulting beer was infected with lactobacillus, what do you do? Well, this happened for The Bruery and Three Floyds collaboration beers Rue D'Floyd and Floyd D'Rue, and their solution was to release the bottles, but with a Caveat Emptor attached. They went all full disclosure on us, and informed the public that they should drink the bottles before 6/30. Those that did, seemed to get a pretty fantastic beer. Dipshits like myself only managed to accidentally acquire one of these deviants via a beer mule two months too late.

So you can obviously see my answer to the consumer's conundrum, which is whether or not to buy something you know has the potential to be infected. Given the transparency, it's a little hard to get too worked up over this, but on the other hand, damnit, this would have been a spectacular beer if I had managed to acquire it fresh. Not particularly surprising, given the fact that it's a collaboration between two of the best brewers around, but still. I get that this was an expensive batch of beer, so again, I can't really begrudge them from releasing it and trying to recoup their losses, but that doesn't make it any less disappointing. Especially because you can really see how spectacular this beer could have been. It was also pretty damn expensive. Let's just hope they get together to try this again, this time without the lacto infection. Even as it stands, I managed to take down a 750 of this infected beast with little real challenge...

The Bruery and Three Floyds Floyd D Rue

Three Floyds & The Bruery Floyd D'Rue - Pours a very dark brown color with a finger of light brown head. The smell... is slightly troubling. This could end up being ok, because there are lots of spices and rum and oak and vanilla in there, but maybe a faint twang indicating infection... or is my foreknowledge playing tricks on me? Well, no, it does seem to have a light infection going on. It's not entirely unpleasant, but it does overtake most of the flavors in the taste. You get less of that spice and rum, and the oak aging contributes more of a general richness and full bodied mouthfeel than the oak or vanilla. It doesn't really come off as sour, but theres a sorta tart fruit thing going on that doesn't really match well with the rest of the beer. Overall, this could have been a great beer, and even as it is, I think I'd rather drink it than a generic fizzy lager, but it's ultimately a disappointment. C+

Beer Nerd Details: 14.7% ABV bottled (750 ml). Drank out of a snifter on 9/5/14.

I guess they can't all be winners, though this one surely would be, were it not for that pesky infection. Moar Three Floyds reviews coming soon, so don't touch that dial...

Three Floyds Space Station Middle Finger

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Recent acquisitions have tended towards the hoppy, so I think you better hop aboard the hop train to delicious, as we'll be spending a lot of time there in the next few weeks. Here we have an American Pale Ale from the midwest ballers and Conan fans at Three Floyds. I don't normally go in for marketing blurbs, but this one is pretty funny:

From the dawn of time, humans have looked to the sky for answers. Space Station Middle Finger replies to all from its eternal orbit.
The notion of expending the resources to create a space station in this shape tickles me. A beer like this calls for proper glassware:

Three Floyds Space Station Middle Finger

Three Floyds Space Station Middle Finger - Pours a hazy gold color with a couple fingers of fluffy white head with good retention and lacing. Smells of citrus hops, with some piney and floral aromas poking in too. The taste amps up the floral hop aspect a bit, but those citrus and pine notes stick around and an ample hop bitterness rounds things out in the finish. Mouthfeel is well carbonated, light bodied, thin, relatively dry, highly quaffable. Overall, this is a solid pale ale, but it's not really in Zombie Dust territory (which might not be fair, except it's the same brewery and it sorta begs the comparison). Not that I'm complaining, as I could drink this all damn day. B+

Beer Nerd Details: 6% ABV bottled (22 oz bomber). Drank out of whatever you call that Star Wars glass on 9/1/14.

Three Floyds sure knows how to craft themselves a pale ale, and I'm lucky enough to have a couple more in the wings, not to mention a sour and a couple other rarities (well, rare for us lowly East Coasters).

Cimmerian Sabertooth Berzerker

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When it rains, it pours. No sooner than I got back from my trip to Vermont, a friend got back from her trip bearing tidings of Three Floyds, so now I find myself flush with amazing hoppy beers.

There's not much out there about this beer other than its 9% ABV, 100 IBU DIPA style. Cimmerians were a real ancient people, having flourished for a few hundred years around 600 BC. It's rumored that Robert Howard claimed his most famous creation, Conan the Barbarian, was descended from Cimmerians. This certainly fits the axe weilding maniacs and woolly mammoths on the label and is typical of Three Floyds' branding, so let's crush our enemies, see them driven before us, and hear the lamentations of their women. Oh, and drink their beer:

Three Floyds Cimmerian Sabertooth Berzerker

Three Floyds Cimmerian Sabertooth Berzerker - Pours a murky orange color with a finger of off white head that sticks around a while and leaves some lacing as I drink. Smells of big citrus and dank pine, with some sort of "green" hops as well, and even a little crystal malt caramel or maybe even toffee. Taste is very sweet, with that rich toffee and caramel from the nose coming through strongly. Dank, resinous hops with just a bit of citrus character come in the middle and balance out all that sweetness in the finish. Mouthfeel is well carbonated, medium bodied, a bit sticky. Overall, it's a big DIPA with enough malt presence to put this in strong ale or maybe even barleywine territory with just a few tweaks. Regardless, I'm enjoying it greatly. B+

Beer Nerd Details: 9% ABV bottled (22 oz bomber). Drank out of a Hill Farmstead Charente glass on 8/23/14. 100 IBU. Bottled 7/25/14.

Certainly not my favorite Three Floyds DIPA, but then, they apparently have a ton of them, and you'll be seeing some more of them in the coming weeks. Stay tuned.

Dark Lord

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Let's start this review off right with a stupid meme:

True Detective Meme 1
True Detective Meme 2
True Detective Meme 3

So unfortunately, I'm going to have to play Rustin Cohl (i.e. McConaughey) to collective beer nerdery's Martin Hart (i.e. Harrelson). Despite all the accolades everyone seems to hand out, I did not particularly love this beer. It's not awful or anything, but it's one of those beers that's hyped to high heaven or at least, it used to be... The hype has slowly been shifting to the ever more rare barrel aged variants, though this regular, non-BA version still commands pretty high ratings and ridiculous prices in the secondary market.

For the uninitiated, Dark Lord is a massive 15% ABV, coffee-infused imperial stout made by Three Floyds in Munster, Indiana, and it's only available at the brewery on one day out of the year (aptly titled Dark Lord day). This is a practice that has spread to just about every other brewery that has a big imperial stout release (think Darkness day or Hunahpu's day). It's very much a publicity stunt, though it's also more of a festival than a beer release (though the beer is the primary motivating factor), what with lots of other beers on tap and live music and large crowds. Attendance is capped at 6000 tickets, and there are apparently huge lines (according to these guys, the wait, even when they had a ticket, was three hours) and lots of beer sharing and trading and other hijinks. Allocation is 3 bottles per ticket (for the math impaired, that's 18,000 bottles), so it's not like this is a particularly rare beer, it's just that the distribution is limited.

I got my bottle in a trade with a gentleman from Chicagoland and have been holding on to it for a rather long time. Part of the reason for this is that everyone says the beer gets better over time and that it's cloyingly sweet and boozy when it's fresh. This particular bottle was a 2012 vintage, so it's had almost 2 years to mellow out. Was it worth the wait or the hype? Not really. I certainly wouldn't mind trying a bottle of fresh stuff (or any of the BA variants (like that will ever happen)), but this definitely did not live up to expectations.

Three Floyds Dark Lord

Three Floyds Dark Lord - Pours a gloopy black color with a minimum of head, barely a cap of tan head that quickly dissapates. Smells of caramel, brown sugar, a slight hint of coffee and roast. I rather liked the nose, at least at first. Taste is super sweet, sugary, some rich caramel, lots of sugar, maybe brown sugar, very sweet, not much in the way of roast or coffee, and did I mention that this was sweet? As it warms up, the coffee comes out a little more, but it feels like I'm drinking over-sweetened coffee. I don't think the age has done the coffee any favors, and it certainly doesn't stand up to the rest of the beer. Taking my cue from Rainier Wolfcastle: like the goggles, the coffee and roast do nothing. The onslaught of sugar and sweetness is unstoppable. It'd be almost admirable in its extremity if it was a little more balanced. Mouthfeel is full bodied, heavy, low but appropriate carbonation, definitely a sipper, some booze, but not overly hot or anything... The sweetness is hard to overcome if you're trying to house a bottle by yourself, so this is perhaps something you'll want to share. Overall, I can't help but be a bit disappointed. Its not bad, but its nowhere near my favorite top tier stuff. B-

Beer Nerd Details: 15% ABV bottled (22 oz. waxed bomber). Drank out of a snifter on 1/31/14. 2012 vintage, red wax.

So there you have it. I'd obviously rather be drinking this than a lot of other beer, but at the same time, it doesn't seem worth the hoop jumping that it takes to get a bottle (directly or indirectly). Back in the day, this was what I'd call a white whale beer, something I never expected to get my hands on, and with the ever shifting goalposts of beer nerdery, it seems that the regular Dark Lord has been slipping in reputation of late. As mentioned before, the barrel aged variants are a different matter, and to be sure, I could see the added complexity (and age) doing wonders for this beer (alas, I have severe doubts that I'll ever sample that stuff). Indeed, when I got towards the end, instead of powering through the last few ounces, I poured some bourbon in the remaining brew, and it actually allowed me to finish it off (this is pretty sad, really, but hey, it worked). Then I went to bed, because damn. Even spreading this out over a few hours, it was kinda tough.

Three Floyds Moloko

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In the Anglo-Russian slang of A Clockwork Orange, the word "Moloko" means milk, hence Three Floyds brewing a milk stout and slapping a Clockwork Orange-inspired label, right down to the swelled up font and the suspenders. It's my favorite of Three Floyds' labels, gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh, but as always, it's what's inside the bottle that counts.

In the book and movie, the drink is actually called a Moloko Plus, which is milk plus drugs. Alex and friends go to "milk bars" to drink up and prepare for a little ultra-violence. Sometimes Three Floyds' beer is also referred to as Moloko Plus, which is mildly disturbing, but my bottle sez nothing of this "Plus" and I didn't get anything more than a little buzzed from drinking it. As far as I'm aware, at least. So gather round, my droogs, it's time to head to the milk bar for the ol' in out (er, um, ok, maybe that metaphor doesn't exactly fit here. Heh, I said "fit". Ok, let's just drink this stuff.)

Three Floyds Moloko

Three Floyds Moloko - Pours a deep, dark brown color, almost black, with a finger of light brown head. Smells sweet, definitely got that milk stout character down pat, light on the coffee, chocolate, and roast, but those components are there. Taste is very sweet, some coffee and chocolate, very light on the roast, lots of lactose sweetness though. Mouthfeel is very smooth, well carbonated, full bodied but not as overbearing as it could have been (not as chewy as I expected, and this is a good thing), probably the best part about this brew, actually. Really easy drinking despite the sweetness. Overall, what we've got here is an above average milk stout. B+

Beer Nerd Details: 8% ABV bottled (22 oz. bomber). Drank out of a snifter on 11/9/13.

Another solid brew from Three Floyds, and unfortunately, the last of the booty from my Chicago trade (never fear, we're planning a winter trade for some barrel aged Revolution, which is exciting).

Three Floyds and Mikkeller Risgoop

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Mikkel Borg Bjergsø, the famed Danish gypsy brewer who walks the earth, usurping excess brewing capacity at (or collaborating with) whatever brewery will have him, has also made his way through the U.S. on occasion. So what happens when he shucks and jives his way through Indiana and collaborates with one of our country's finest brewers? We get a series of barleywines exploring different grains. The first four actually seem to all be variations on the Wheatwine style, Hvedegoop being a straight up Wheatwine, with successive releases incorporating other grains such as oats, rye, and even buckwheat. All variants use the "goop" suffix, which I'll just go with because I don't really want to know why.

This latest version focuses on rice as the key differentiator. As I understand it, rice is typically a cheap adjunct used to jack up the abv while not impacting flavor at all, the sort of process you typically find in macro breweries like Bud/Miller/Coors. But when you're making a 10.4% ABV barleywine that is packed to the gills with hops, rice should help dry out the beer, keep the malts in check, and generally make it more palatable. Sounds good to me, so many thanks to Chicago trading partner Joe for sending my way. Let's see how this one fares:

Three Floyds and Mikkeller Collaboration Risgoop

Three Floyds and Mikkeller Risgoop - Pours a hazy but bright orange color with a finger of white head, very IPA looking. Speaking of which, the nose is all hops. Grassy, juicy citrus, along with some pine and sugary sweet malt aromas too. Taste has a surprising malt backbone. Nothing huge, but enough to balance out the massive hop blast that emerges in the middle and intensifies through the finish, which strikes a good balance between sweetness and bitterness. Some booze hits in the middle and finish as well, but nothing unpleasant. I don't smell or taste any rice, but I think you can probably tell that there's some sort of sugar adjunct here because of the mouthfeel, which I wouldn't call dry, per say, but which isn't as thick or gloopy as you typically would get in a barleywine (or a beer with "goop" in the name, for that matter). Medium bodied, lighter than you'd expect, but with enough booziness that it doesn't feel thin or disappointing. Overall, this is really nice, more reminiscent of a really big DIPA (or TIPA, I guess you'd call it) than a Barleywine, but that's not a real complaint at all. A-

Beer Nerd Details: 10.4% ABV bottled (22 oz. bomber). Drank out of a snifter on 2/15/13.

So yeah, FFF and Mikkeller makes for a winning combo, at least with this particular beer (I have to admit, I'm not a huge wheatwine fan, though I suspect these two brewers could give the style a run for its money). Anywho, whilst drinnking this and perusing my twitter feed, I saw that DDB posted this video and when she sez "You know it's good beer when it has a cork in it" I found myself wondering, so I performed a little experiment:

Corked Risgoop

I believe she was actually correct. After that point, the beer became redolent of corking.

Three Floyds Dreadnaught IPA

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Another top 100 beer from Midwest ballers and abnormal label art masters, Three Floyds. Behind Zombie Dust and various barrel aged versions of Dark Lord that I'll probably never see, this DIPA is nevertheless well celebrated by beer nerds. Beer Advocate recently made some "controversial" changes to their ratings scheme, so I think this one fell down the ranks a bit, and we all know that the opinions of a bunch of strangers on the internet are usually dead on, so this is vexing. Still, being ranked 75th in the world is pretty sweet. Let's not waste any more time and get to it:

Three Floyds Dreadnaught IPA

Three Floyds Dreadnaught IPA - Pours a clear golden color with a finger or two of white, fluffy head. Smells wonderful, sugary sweetness with tons of citrus and pine. Taste starts off sweet, very light crystal malt character, but then the mango and grapefruit emerge quickly and continue into the finish, along with some floral and pine notes. It finishes with a nice bracing bitterness, which is impressive considering the high ABV. As it warms, the floral notes open up and become more prominent in both the nose and taste. Mouthfeel is medium bodied, well carbonated, crisp and clean, maybe just the slightest hints of stickiness, but again, this is pretty good for such a big beer. Overall, this is a fantastic beer. A-

Beer Nerd Details: 9.5% ABV bottled (22 oz. bomber). Drank out of a tulip glass on 12/29/12.

I would put this about on par with Double Jack and Gemeni. It's maybe slightly beefier in terms of malts than Double Jack, but perhaps not quite as much as Gemeni. I don't know the hop schedule of this one, but I suspect there's some of that cascade/simcoe and centennial going on, wither perhaps a few others, which I believe puts it right in the same playing field. But I'll tell you one thing, Dreadnaught tastes a whole lot harder to get than those two. That being said, I may need to start trading with more Midwesterners, just to keep up a supply of Three Floyds stuff, which has been uniformly impressive.

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Hi, my name is Mark, and I like beer.

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